When I wake
- preacherhouse
- You can't see what you don't believe exists. so it's hard to describe who I am, I sit in memory like august heat. I try to recapture who I was 3 or 4 years ago, before I stepped out of the house in attempts to re-invent myself into social relationships. Before then I was comfortable distant from people including my immediate family. I could dream like I was the only boat going out to sea, lost in my own thoughts unaware of normality, like marriage or taxes. I was pleasantly suicidal and in my own mind a genius without knowledge of basic understanding that is needed to live a normal life. My think now is full of tears as I try to squeeze back into the cupboard. The loss of my young adult life I’ve equated to martyrdom seeing my attempts at survival as a hospital bed where during meals we were not allowed knives. I have a slight optimism about the future but as I think this over this god doesn’t owe me anything. This optimism comes out of me being absent in my own life and circumstances for if I was fully aware I’d be dead on the bathroom floor.
your blog looks great, eric! i'm "enjoying" all the writing so far... will take time with each. painful writing, where would we be without it? not writing more posts, probably. this poetry thing is a vicious circle! (just joking, maybe...)
ReplyDeletegive it a little time and see if people appear. i'm sure they will. one thing to do is to just hit "next blog", read other people's writings and leave comments. most people get curious as to who left the comment. another is a research box in the header of each blogger page. many people just find you on google by subject matter.
also you can sign up with feedburner (www.feedburner.com) and "rss" link on your page. that way you can keep up with all the stats of who is coming, from where, what they looked at, etc.
i'll send a couple of my friends by...
one thing you might want to consider. even though the level is low, i was just reading last night that people don't like it when there is an mp3 that plays automatically on a blog; it interferes with their reading. you might turn off the autoplay in the html and just offer it as a link. (they showed how to do that; i think you can find it on google.) while it's interesting, it does seem to get redundant when you are trying to read your writings.
good luck. i'll be here, pulling for you! can't wait 'til the pier 11 event too. xoxox ~laura